How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie

This is my essay on how to Win Friends and Influence People, a book by Dale Carnegie. All you need to do to get people to do what you want them to do is to make them want to do it, and do make them want to do it, you have to let them find out wants in it for them. Let’s just say that you decide to go fishing, and it happens that you really like chocolate, but the fish, for some odd reason only like worms. You don’t bait your rod with chocolate, but with worms. You don’t think about what you want, but what the fish wants. You bait the hook to suit the fish. You put yourself in another’s shoes. To get people to listen to you, you have to find out what they want, to construct it according to their needs. Others just don’t care what you want, they only care about themselves.

Therefore, to make friends, you have to really care about others. Instead of asking your friend, “Hey, how was your day so far?” But just not caring, try to actually care about what they have to say. Become genuinely interested in their lives. They will love to talk about themselves. Everyone has an interesting life. But you might have never known if you have never asked. Who knows what you could find out. Some things like remembering someone’s name can really be helpful. It has been proven that someone’s name is to them the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Focus on using their name more, not just remembering it. You have to talk in terms of their interests and make them feel as if they are important.

The second point I will talk about is on how to win people to your way of thinking. First of all, you have to show respect to others opinions, not just shouting out, “No!” This can be really helpful if you are working with a group on a project. You have to begin in a friendly way and appeal to their way of thinking. Another good thing to do is to get the other person to do the talking, letting them feel as if it is their idea. Try to see things from their view. Be sympathetic to their ideas, and appeal to their nobler motives. At the end, tell them your ideas, and throw down a challenge.

Last of all, as a leader, you have to change people around you without getting them mad at you. Begin with praise and honest appreciation for what they have done, but call attention to their mistakes indirectly. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing them. Ask them questions instead of giving them direct orders, and let the other person save face if they make a mistake. Make sure to praise every single improvement, as small as it may be. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to, and use honest encouragement. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

In conclusion, It is important to show respect to other people and appeal to their wants. “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” by Dale Carnegie is a great book, and I recommend it to everyone who would like to learn to have great social skills.

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